at tymz i feel detached.....

Ever since I was young I have felt like I was on the outside looking in, most of the time.

I used to try and be a part of it all. Sometimes too hard. But never quite made it.

I have a habit of "putting things in a box". Especially my emotions...figured they were mine and I didn't have to share them with everyone. That kept me safe and at a distance.

So while I was trying to fit in...I was also distancing myself at the same time.

(Ain't the teen years just grand?)

But here I am years and years later. The skills I have developed have served me well in many ways. Especially in crisis... I can function, do what needs to be done, etc. People think I'm cold, or just don't care. (sometimes I really am not affected by what is happening but feel horrible for whoever is having to deal with things...so I step up and help).

Other times I watch a drama unfold and truly, truly don't feel a thing. (and that can be a gift).

But there are days I wish...I wish I was a part of the whole.

I was getting there... but now have gone back quite a ways into old habits. Survival techniques asserting themselves I guess. Insulation from the cold world.